The subtitle of break up

An act of moving on

All shades of emotion, it’s been 2 weeks now since Derah shut me off, and moving on has been pretty easy, lol 😆 yeah you got me there.

Moving on has been hell on earth, the emotions and mixed feelings I get,drifting into my thoughts during the day and dreaming about him all night while I sleep. It’s been hard, really hard noticing the fact that Derah moved on so quick makes me question his words. Did he ever love me? Oh, he said he did but maybe he never meant those words. Memories and pain are my new best friend. I remember 11 months ago when Derah held my hands the very day we met. Derah’s hands were so soft as the cloud, his skin was as smooth as fur, and his arm was all I wanted to hold on to for the rest of my life. Never dreamt of a day without him.

Derah restricted my calls and texts, yes he blocked me, so I scroll all day reading all the sweet text he left me, the good morning sunshine 🌞, good night shortcake 🍰, as I read through my eyes gets heavy, my heart questions itself, like how did we get to this point that everything is beyond repair, why did derah leave me, wasn’t I enough, what haven’t I done to make my derah happy, oh gexxy hot tears began to roll down my cheek as my eyes roll around its orbital foramen. I had to let it all out, I needed to scream, no I am not strong enough, i can’t endure this pain. I felt my heart break as I screamed into my pillow. Holding my two fingers I used my nails to pierce each other, because I am too angry to move on maybe not now.

Anger sack into my heart, I saw derah everyday in the class during lecture, his perfume were here to hunt me, even in his absence I could smell his scent from afar . seeing him happily moving on as he speaks to every other female in my department aside me. I couldn’t help but let envy and jealousy take over me.

I can’t let this get over me, I remember a word from a New York best seller book I read. The Third Way by Sasha Snow .

“I am walking away because you were too busy finding fault in me while I over look” yours”

I did overlook everything Derah did to me, I was so quick to forgive his fault and learnt to leave with his flaws. ” I know my heart would never be the same but the heart was made to be broken”

In the light of being ready to move on, I deleted Derah from my phone and mind, I shut the door of every memory we shared in the last 11 months. I am ready to embrace myself, I have been enough before, I am still enough and I will continue to be enough for myself and those that know my value.